My baby

Shadows, I see shadows of the night,

Crawling up in my bed and causing me frights,

Can this be that I miss her too much?

Or am I infatuated by her presence and such….

Love, I fear love til my death,

It might kill me and take my last breathe,

Risks, yet scary and bold,

She makes me grab it and keep it to hold…

Baby you think you know how i care,

You think you felt it and youre fully aware,

But no, U have not seen it all,

How this human will protect u from pain and fall..

You don’t know i write for you,

But this canvas is where I run to,

When my soul is warped and wrapped in overwhelming love,

And I cant bare it till I write it off..

I may not write as crushing as before,

Coz you’re with me and there is nothing I want more,

I love you baby with all my heart,

I know it’s cliche but til death do us part ūüėČ

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She’s love

Dangling from your shaking wrist,

That bracelet u’d never miss,

You touch your face with grace and softness,

Those types that don’t adore roughness,

I watch you from the window pane,

As i smoke my ciggy and smile in vain,

You were getting ready to go out to eat,

After sweat and wildful crazy heat..

Baby it’s crazy how we come so far,

From nothing to this, owh u healed my scar,

I’m thankful for the chance to feel this again,

To watch the sun moon clouds and rain,

With you by my side there’s nothing to say,

But baby i love you come what may…

Lets try to make this work again,

Lets throw all doubts and pain,

Cause I want to be part of years to come,

And build the dream as one.

I love you baby (Holiday 30 Sept ’17)

I bid you ..

I sleep at six and wake at eight,

I’m back to this painful nights of hate,

I moved too fast, it’s me to blame,

I’m empty sick and full of shame..

I see the changes you’ve become,

I see the texts but I feel just some,

Things have changed and i know why,

It’s my mistake and i cry cry cry..

I remember you before things went dry,

I remember how crazy you were with i,

We couldn’t even wait till morning,

Just to say “how are you darlin..”

Now your mornings don’t consist of me,

Your evenings stays are up till 3,

You disappear in broad day light,

And come to me when it’s night..

What happened to that crazy us?

Did you find someone who took interest?

Just tell me, don’t keep telling lies,

Cause everyday i cry cry cry..

I think the time of truth has come,

I’ll suck it up and I’ll keep numb,

Tomorrow i will say my peace,

Let you have your life at ease..

The best part was our lust perfection,

The hardest was the mad connection,

I felt your love from the beginning,

But why do i feel that I’m losing?

So baby this is just for you,

I’ll remember everything we do,

Your smiles, your kisses, your late stay ups,

Those sacrifices and build ups…

I’m sorry if I thought it wrong,

I’m sorry that things end while strong,

But i love u too much to hurt you more,

With my painful words and broken sores..

I love you sayang, I love you boo,

I miss you so much, much more than you,

I bid you farewell on this very day,

On our third anniversary..

I will not tell you that we’re over,

I’ll stay and linger till you get sober,

Then finally realize I have magically fade,

My body is there but my heart is dead..

I told you i’d love you and I would stay,

So i’ll stay til you tell me to go away..

I love you sayang, Goodbye

Why do you?

I know I make things complicated,

My doubts are sometimes over-rated,

It hurts the first time all over,

You’re out with your friends an undercover?..

Blame me for not believing,

Call me out for feeling you’re deceiving,

Everytime you leave the lies,

My heart feels like it dies..

You did this once to me before,

You left went quiet for hours and more,

Yes I gave you total freedom,

But freedom u held, it crashed my kingdom..

Fuck my heart for feeling this,

Fuck my soul for catching hits,

Yes I might be over thinking,

But you’ve yet to prove your undertaking..

Help me get me out of this,

Help me crawl through pain to bliss,

Cause it hurts baby when I feel this way,

When i don’t trust you when you’re away..

But silence is what I choose to do,

Til the right time comes and I do what i’d do,

I’ll try to find that heart again,

Throw the ache and the pain…

Until that day comes to me,

Crushed I will remain to be…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAe6An8Xr3w

It’s dark

I woke up early with this hurt in my chest,

A pain that nothing else but blood can address,

I slept through million scares and darkness,

And woke up screaming to the scarred hardness…

I opened up to you baby like an open wound,

I let you explore my stars and my moons,

I took a knife and tore out my soul,

I let you hold it in your hands to mold..

But is this what it all came up to?

Is this why I’ve been waiting for you?

You told me you didn’t want another,

And there’s no one else you’d even bother..

I waited a month to be close to you,

My restrictions from disturbing you is virtue,

I kept my misses and held my tears,

Just so you could face things without fear..

Maybe I did move waaay to fast,

Maybe I shouldn’t have told you¬†I’d love you everyday like it’s the last,

Or was it me being open that hurt?

Or was it because you think I’m a flirt?

On that one night you said it all,

That you’ve made a mistake and you took a fall,

You met your ex and you talked for hours,

And it “Got intense” and you had no power..

What was I to say to you?

That I’m okay and i forgive you boo?

I did, I am but I don’t know why,

When I say I love you now, I cry..

You didn’t tell me what you two really did,

You never said how good it remained hid,

But no words needed for me to know,

That you enjoyed it every second cause it shows..

Did he touch your face and fucking kissed your lips?

Did he linger your finger up to the tips?

Did you breathe hard when he made you high?

Did he make you wet and make you cry?

Was he that worth it for you that day?

When you lied to me and told me you were away,

Out with your sister i remember you said,

Those words are just daggers to my soul to shreds..

I know you told me cause you want to come clean,

You couldn’t bare lying to me it seems,

I forgive your mistake I never wanna look back,

I just wanna erase it from my mind infact..

Could you tear up my head and break my brain?

Could you pull out my heart so i feel no pain?

We were passion, was lust, love and was all,

And you told me I’m the only, you should’ve accepted the open call..

So baby now I’m dreadfully trying,

I know you’re hurt too and somewhat crying,

I’ll mend my heart delete that thought,

Cause I know now that may be not..

I love you baby I love you so much,

I miss that feeling and your soft silk touch,

I know I’ll be okay again,

And I hope¬†it’ll last and forever remain..

 

 

The Break

It’s time again for wishful sorry,

The time i knew would creep in slowly,

I never thought it’d be this fast,

I really hoped that this would last…

But yet again fate brought me sorrow,

Tricked my heart a great tomorrow,

When all i got are false pretence,

Lies, fake hopes and painful ends..

She thought she could juggle it all,

She thought she stayed, she won’t fall,

But little she know that she had drowned,

Succummed to feelings that can’t be found,

She felt, she drank,she slipped,

She was supposed to take a sip…

And now i’m left with the decision,

To leave her be with predicament, 

I hate the thought that she’s just tired,

With my over-do’s and always wired,

Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed too hard,

I should have played the push-pull card..

i hate the fact she might be happy,

No commitment, free, no texts & chirpy,

I wish I’m built less passionate,

Less intense, mellowless, unfortunate..

Cause now things tend to get outta hand,

I can’t hear music nor films or bands,

Cause all of it drives back to you,

No matter what the fuck i choose to do…

3 weeks of separation is what we picked,

Means 3 eternals of painful fricked,

It’s been 2 days and I can’t breathe,

I lost my soul to the deadly myth..

Take me

I sat for hours staring at the moon,

Wishing that a miracle would hit on me soon,

I hoped for magic with wands and spells,

to help me get up and get out of this hell,

I saw a light shining so bright,

Got up ran fast to catch as i might,

I ran on too slow the light past me by,

Just fell on my knees and cry,cry,cry..

Grabbed the soil from beneathe my palm,

I rubbed it against my skin to feel calm,

Wanted to feel that sense of belong,

But its hard to sink in when its you that i long,

So i looked up again at the gloomy night,

Trying my luck for a possible sight,

Nothing, dead, lonely ,hollow,

The skies are full of deadly sorrow..
So here i lay to give myself,

to let the sorrow bid itself,

Free away oh sadness dove,

Fly in the darkness skies above,

Please take away this pain forsake,

Please tear my heart if thats what it takes,

I need you to please just make me feel,

Nothing at all coz it hurts so real,

Take my soul oh take my breath,

Take everything that you need in stealth,

For i shall have this way to live,

And i shall promise always to give,

Coz i became everything in the past,

And i know forever it will last.

But I want to start again with u,

Coz everythng just seems brand new,
i shall wait til the day comes thru,

When worlds unite, just me and you..

You are you

Wandering thoughts of an imbecile mind,

Strolling the streets of venetician blinds,

I sit through those endless thoughts,

Of how my life is all lines and dots..

But then one night i broke the rule,

I went and explore and lost my cool,

She was there, I am here,

She stabbed me through with her witted speare..

Who is she?  Or is this fate?

Why did she find me? I speculate,

She flirts, she’s forward, she gets to me,

But I got to know her last night you see..

From day one she got the whole thing planned,

She thought she knew how things would land,

She was playful, sexy and goddamn bold,

I swear she’s just something beyond my control..

She utter words of sensual lingers,

She’s fucking endearing by¬†just using her fingers,

Her texts are gold, she stays unreached,

She fucking got hold of me on the leash ..

Everyday when I open my eyes,

First thing I want is the lust of her thighs,

Her lips, her voice, her body , her mind,

I want her each and everytime…

As days goes by and lust goes deep,

I feel this urge that my heart can’t keep,

Why do I have to go up that wall,

When I know she left it there strong and tall..

September, September, Oh , wherefore art thou September?
The deadly day that stays to linger

I can barely wait yet I’m afraid to face,

It’s a mix of feelings of love and hate…

This is a secret I wanted to tell,

I know it probably put me in hell,

But since the day I saw her text,

And we kept texting the day and the next…

My life has colors I’ve never seen,

The greys turned yellow and the blues turned green,

I don’t sleep, I don’t eat,

Fuck, everything seems so obsolete..

But what I know is this new girl,

Is the reason I wake up to feel the world,

And at any point do I break your heart,

Remember back when we both started..

I know things move fast and you can’t digest,

But I can’t keep it down deep in my chest,

So I’m being myself most of the time,

And you be yourself it’s totally fine..

And even if we strand apart,

You be you and move on with your heart,

The truth be told I will love you still,

And take care of you with all my will..

Cause sayang I know things might not always be great,

And things might bore you, scare you , or you hate,

I still keep my words whenever I say,

I will love you like its my very last day…